Sparky found a friend
Now you can’t get him off your leg
Why is the surgeon general trying to warn me
Like it really matters if another smoker dies
Bribes….hey they were gifts
Kill things
Everybody should be topless
Well…not me
Voice of reason
Are you sick of hearing about people
in time they’ll go away
you know what you want
gun toting man
grab
ultimate performance
driven by pure lust
war
this is what happens
when you have unlimited espresso
the revolution continues
Whenever I feed my dog some soup,
she immediately goes out to poop.
Although it gives her the runs,
For her, its always big kinda fun.
I call it, Tina's Fun Runs.
- Arye Michael Bender
I’m no different than other women. Every morning I look in the mirror to judge what’s there, and one recent morning I saw it. That obvious, very visible lack of something. Clearly, I needed a new lipstick.
Heading straight for the upscale makeup counter in the upscale mall, I confronted a bazillion lipsticks, propped up and showcased like fresh tulips-hoo boy! At least three associates were on the counter. Piece of cake, I thought. I’ll just choose one of these and be on my way.
Hah! Not before I got a lesson in what it means to be a woman of a certain age.
I think I know how Frankenstein’s monster might have felt. There were no angry, mobbing villagers wielding torches, but there were enough angry, entitled youngish Seattlites of the come-lately gentrified village of West Seattle to burn a hole in my chest with their dagger glares. Why, you ask, was I the object of their abject scorn?
He loved The Virgin Mary.
They shared a house
out on the prairie.
He begged, "After we marry???"
She replied, "Only very rarely."
- Arye Michael Bender -
Dark forces of the universe conspired against me.
Not that long ago. Four more surgeries. All required to repair problems of each earlier cut, left me with all the side effects of the first, second and third. On the last one, the evil surgeon Tom Lieu eviscerated my manhood entirely. Doctors and the IRS. My fixed income, broken.
My prior life as a mildly successful television director, gone. Divorce swept away up last wife. Now she awaits my death ...so that she can marry a Catholic. A Catholic!
My current twenty-something transgender, prostitute, girlfriend decided that she needed to add addiction to the mix. And while I was recovering from another surgery to repair the unintended effects of the first four, sold everything of mine that wasn’t held down.
Regarding the American system of government...
The checks long since have been cached, and the balances are zero.
Time to impeach.
Come see this awesome show I host!
Funnier Than God
Sunday the 15th @ 8PM
The Empty Stage Theater
2372 Veteran Ave.
(corner of Veteran and Pico)
West Los Angeles, 90064
$5 - Free beer
Sketch, Stand-Up, Videos and more! Comedy's never been this intelligent!
So, did you grow up in a small town? Where all you know are the people who constantly surrounded you, nit pick at you, think they're better than you, and in turn you have to watch every word you say because you know blabber mouth Sue will run off, turn every thing around and then make you look like a two faced piece of crap? Welcome to my child hood. I grew up in a small town called Montgomery in the North. (I know I know, yankee..) Any who, I grew to hate this place with a passion. I couldn't wait for the day when I graduated high school so I could escape from this dead end of dying dreams.
I moved away, joined the Marine Corps, got married, had a baby, got divorced, lived in Nashville, did the Music thing. (short recap)
But every time I would go home to visit I would have this hatred for Montgomery and couldn't wait to get back to where I just came from.
There's a bird in our store; his name is Earl. Sabrina named him when she realized he wasn't intent on leaving. He lives in the ceiling or lack thereof, and flies down to eat the crickets that have been plaguing us of recently.
I like Earl, but he can't stay. Some customers like him, but others are frightened by him. And I'm worried that he'll get stepped on. So today I go to by a net.
