I was driving to the bank, and guess what... I hit another gypsy today. That's fourteen this month... and January's only half over! It's like some sort of government conspiracy or something. Granted, what kind of government would stage such a conspiracy. That doesn't make much sense.

Anyway, it started on the 1st at around 4PM. I was on my way to get my first sandwich of the year: a Chicken Parmesan sandwich. Yum, I know. The place I usually get my Chick Parm sandwiches from, Lil Georgio's, moved over the holiday, so I was looking for their new location. To be honest, I wasn't even looking at the road -- I was just following the dot on my phone's GPS (a Christmas gift, and I hadn't had it long enough to know that foot traffic didn't show up on the GPS). And sure enough -- BAM! I hit a Gypsy.

Her name was Esmeralda. She wasn't hurt, but I did break some ornate vase filled with dust or something. I kept asking questions and answering them myself, like, "Why were you carrying that around?" and then, "That seems dumb." I think I was nervous. Then, with an outstretched, trembling hand, she whispered something foreign. I laughed (my natural reaction when I hear foreign talk) but when I was done dong my best old Gypsy impression to the crowd of onlookers (great crowd) she had vanished!

That was the first, but it wasn't the last. I hit one pulling into a Sonic, one turning off the highway, two driving up a parking garage ramp (one on level 2, one on level 4), two pulling out of the Sonic, two pulling into a drive in movie theater, one opening up my door, one doing donuts at the High School parking lot (kind of my bad), ALMOST hit one in Gypsy town, then three standing in a line as soon as I left Gypsy town (figures, right?), then the one today. I don't care who you are -- that's a lot of Gypsies.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Gee, Lars. You must be in jail right now, what with all these Gypsies piling up." Well, not so! I'm blogging from my sittin' bucket, like I always do -- safe at home. No legal recourse, no jail time. Why? Well, here's the thing, as soon as I hit a Gypsy they do two things: utter some spooky foreign gibberish and then... they vanish. I reported each and every incident, but by the time the cops arrive all I've got to show for my kooky story is my dented car. I'm no psychiatrist, but if I were me listening to myself -- I think I'd look pretty crazy, don't you?

Why is this happening? I was talking to my friend Mike, and HE thinks that all that funny foreign Gypsy talk have been curses. That made sense to me, except that since I started hitting Gypsies... I haven't felt better! Food tastes better, sleep is more satisfying, I can hover, and the upper respiratory infection I had when I hit the first Gypsy cleared up immediately! In fact, I seem to be growing stronger and more powerful with each Gypsy I hit. The only downside, really. is the dents on my car... but I don't really mind it. Sure it's unsightly, but, y'know, it had a couple dents in it from before. Besides, it still gets me from A to B. And if the Gypsies just keep vanishing... I dunno, maybe it's worth it?

I guess the real question is what happens to the Gypsies AFTER they vanish?? Do they cease to be, or are they transported back to their homes (tents?) no harm done?

Either way, I'm not sure how to change it. Do I get an operation? Change my diet? Hmm. I'm going to work on this... until then, I guess I'll just keep hitting Gypsies.