Socks

Submitted by bluevik on Wed, 01/07/2009 - 11:52am.

It was a Thursday morning when Ben woke up screaming. He had the sock dream again. He hadn't worn socks for about twelve years, but he had once. He liked them. The way they felt against his skin; the way the cottton clasped his foot like the skin to a tightly packed sausage. Ben loved socks, but he hadn't worn any since 1997. Why? The New England Patriots.

The Pats were really sucking it up in the divisional playoff against the Steelers. Ben watched at a sports bar in Onset, Massachusetts. You could tell by the silence that everyone in the bar was having second thoughts about Pete Carroll, who had made an overwhelming number of bad play calls that day. A sorrowful mob made their way towards the parking lot.
"Come on, Ben," said Eyepatch Joe, "let's go into the lot and overturn all the cars with New England Aquarium bumper stickers."
Ben got up and moved towards the exit with the mob. But no sooner had he flipped over his third car than he realized his laundry was still at the laundromat!

The mob flipped Ben's car back onto its wheels and Ben took off like a flash. He sped across town with little regard for his well being, skidded up to the parking lot of "Suds Yer Duds", the only western-themed laundromat in the county, and bolted through the front door. He sped up to Greg, the attendant, and blasted through 10 minutes of small talk. ZIP! He took off towards the Galaga stand-up and motored through 13+ levels on only two quarters. Then, after quickly snatching a Crunch bar from the vending machine and charged to the bathroom to blow through the Boston Globe's Living Arts section with breakneck speed, Ben hurried to the drier to fetch his laundry... BUT IT WAS GONE!

Ben was never the same. This was the flush and financially sound nineties, mind you. Who would do this? Who would take another man's whites? Ben withdrew from life. No more Pats games. No more turning over cars. Ben faked an injury, filed for disability, and spent the next four years in his home: ordering in food, watching TV incessantly, and holding his laundry close, like a mother possum surrounded by ravenous badgers.

Eventually, friends and family stepped in. It took years, but Ben got out more and even resumed doing his laundry. But he never wore socks... and the dreams never stopped. Each night Ben would dream he was with Eyepatch Joe, sailing the S.S. Flying Elvis on a quiet sea of laundry. Suddenly, a viscous, fresh linen smelling rain falls from the sky and, without any prompting, the water would twist and gyrate, the ship would rock, and the sea of laundry would be sucked into a swirling vortex near the center -- around a tall, white, menacing monolith. As it twists and turns, Ben is forced to watch his socks get sucked into oblivion. He jumps into the water, but it's too late. And as he drowns... he wakes.

This Thursday was different. There was a calm in the air. Ben couldn't explain it, but he felt... different. As he tried to place this feeling, there was a knock at his front door. He answered it... but no one was there. He looked down and there in front of him was a laundry basket filled with fresh and clean socks. It had been so long, were these the socks he had caused him so many a restless night? Only one way to be sure. Ben removed his Spongebob Squarepants slipper and pulled a tube sock over his right foot. A single tear trickled down his face. He was reunited... and it felt so good.

After knocking on a few random doors in his apartment complex to exultantly yell his story to perfect strangers, Ben noticed something. A card wedged along the side of the basket. It featured a sad dog dressed as a hobo on the front. Skipping the Hallmark message, Ben opened it up and found a handwritten message:

"Dear Ben,

Sorry it took me so long to return these to you -- you're a hard man to be found. Have you thought about joining Facebook?

I have no excuse. I was in a hurry, had a big day, and, like any good American, I couldn't do it without socks. However, it took me years to learn that no matter how determined you are, you simply can't succeed in another man's socks. Anyway, I'm sorry, and I hope I haven't caused you too much trouble.

Best Wishes,

Pete Carroll"

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Submitted by stephanie on Wed, 01/07/2009 - 11:38pm.

OK, I didn't know who Pete Carroll was (looked him up though). But I enjoyed the story nonetheless. :-)

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