I am kind of surprised that conspiracy theorists and assorted nut jobs have gone underground in this US election year. Come to think of it, they haven’t surfaced at all. Come on guys, some of the Presidential candidates are out there are tailor made for spinning conspiracies around. Get your heads out of your rear ends and start squawking. I’ll even give you a few pointers to start you off.

Let’s start with Republican Ron Paul. This guy has never got more than five percent of the votes in any of the primaries or caucuses held so far; and yet he refuses to call it quits. So he must have some hidden agenda, right? Here’s one scenario. Ron Paul knows that, sooner or later, Mike Huckabee will have to drop out of the race. So he bides his time; and sticks around till just before the Republican Convention. A few days before D-day, John McCain has an unexplained fatal accident; and, voila, Ron Paul is the Republican nominee. The folks pulling the strings – all the intellectuals, pseudo and genuine – may finally get their man in the White House. In an alternative scenario, it is the Democrats who get rid of McCain just before the convention. Then it would be Paul vs. Obama which, the Democrats figure, will be a no-brainer.

Hillary Clinton is another candidate for conspiracy theories. In fact, I believe one is already doing the rounds. Here’s how it goes. Hillary becomes the Democratic nominee and chooses Bill as her Vice-Presidential running mate. After getting elected, she resigns; and Bill becomes President again. Somehow I have my doubts about that one. Hillary was the man of the house even when she was the First Lady. I cannot picture her as the dutiful wife, sacrificing her personal glory for her husband.

Of course, the big daddy of them all is Barrack Hussein Obama. With his Muslim middle name, the guy is literally begging for it. In fact, the conspiracy nuts don’t even need to make one up. It’s been around for 50 years – think Manchurian candidate. For the benefit of those illiterates and ignorami who haven’t read the book or seen the movie (two movies, actually), here is how it plays out. Obama is a practicing Muslim and a secret agent for Al Qaeda. They are the guys who have been pumping out the big bucks for his campaign (at last count, it was more than 100 million dollars). Once he becomes President, Obama reveals his true colors. To start with he makes it mandatory for all American women to wear headscarves and start acting servile to their men folk. He imposes a stiff tax on all church goers. Then he recognizes the Taliban as the official government of Afghanistan. For the coup de grace, he hands over Iraq to his mentor, Osama Bin Laden. His days of glory are short lived however. Seven days in May later, the US military stages a coup, takes over the government and executes him. They may even install George Bush as a puppet president. That man sure does love the military.

So come on guys. I’ve laid out enough fodder out there for you to graze on. Limber up those keyboard fingers and start blogging.