This has been the summer of hell, turning into the fall of hell. Hell that is according to my level of pain. My arthritis and fibromyalgia have just taken over my life. And it's getting worse. I haven't seen my Rhematologist in year because he's not in my insurance plan and they will only pay 80% of what they feel he should be charging and I've been too afraid to find out what that will end up costing me. I think I'm caving in to being willing to pay anything to get rid of this pain.

Oh, and I know exactly what I'll be taking.. that poison methaltrexate. It's a low dose of chemotherapy that we inflamed chronic painers end up taking orally - mixed in juice. It is supposed to have less side effects than all those other drugs you hear about in all those commercials.

Let me tell you.. If I could get a hold of some Bextra I'd be the happiest person on the planet. That stuff really worked. It is actually the ONLY thing I've ever taken that actually worked.

So anyways..

Here's what hurts - and keep in mind - I'm only 42 yrs old:

Every muscle in my body. No exaggeration. Fibromyalgia is inflammation of your muscles. And since I've been having a bad summer, now fall, the inflammation has been getting worse - so now my legs, feet, hips, back, stomach, shoulders, arms, neck and face all ache. Now yes, some of my body aches more than others. It's just my jaw on my face that hurts, except when I have my daily headaches from all the pain in my neck and shoulders.

The place right in-between my shoulder blades is what kills me the most - usually. I get this knot there and man oh man does it bring me to my knees. However, the past few days it's been my lower back that has really got me down. My lower back is one of those really bad places where I have arthritis too and so it's got a double pain punch. I get so bad that I literally cannot walk. Like today at Walmart - their floors do me in when I have to stand still for any length of time in that store - and so I shuffled out of the store bent over the shopping cart which was holding me upright because I would not have been able to walk without it's assistance. I was even wearing a Lidoderm patch! Anyways.. the pain in my lower back has been SO bad lately that it is causing me to have abdominal cramping.

Now my arthritis has been acting up too and usually I only have to deal with one or the other of these two forms of inflammation at a time.

My lower back has been very bad. My knees have been getting so inflamed that I find it difficult to change positions in my legs. My hips have been noticeably painful recently too. My ankles just ache - no major pain there, just a steady pain throb. It's my shoulders that are pretty messed up. My shoulder joints are so inflamed that I cannot even touch them. The pain is so bad that nothing - ice, heat, massage, etc. have zero impact.

Oh yeah, and for those of us with chronic pain like this, diarrhea is very common. When I have a bad case of fibromyalgia, I am going to get diarrhea. Pleasant isn't it?

Another thing with bad cases of fibomyalgia, your throat gets inflamed too - like you're getting strep or something. Having a child in my house with Strep made me question the sore throat, but no, it was my warning sign that bad things were about to happen to my body.

*sigh*

I've tried everything, and herbal remedies are wonderful aids in the fight against these diseases, but sometimes the only thing that you can do is knock yourself out with drugs. And I have none. I haven't taken those pain medications and muscle relaxers for over a year. I don't like having them around because they are too easy to take. The problem is that when I have times like these, exactly what they are for, I never have them and I suffer greatly.

The pain has been so bad that I have been nauseated constantly. My mother just had a bad fall and hit her head this weekend. She has a two inch gash on her forehead and bruising all over. She didn't understand why she was so nauseated and I explained that when your body suffers a huge trauma like hers has, you do get nauseated from the pain. That's when I realized why I'd been so nauseated lately. Because my body is dealing with more pain than it can handle.

So if you're wondering why I am not keeping up with my blogs, emails, etc. It is because I not only have family stuff going on, but I have never been in this much pain from my diseases before.